I think I know what went wrong with me last week...

Sigh... I had an emotional week last week...
Perhaps i was going too melodramatic... Didn't really know what caused it...
But I'm sure I was in an emotional state I'd never been b4...

The reason why i was feeling down was that...
1) The news abt my injured spine impacted me alot...
It gave me emotional stress and family stress.

2) I've lost a best fren, a very 'childish' one... We argued. He accused me for being gay with another guy. (My best pal) He was jealous and accused me for lying to him time and again. He yearned for my attention or shld i say, my 'money'. Always asking me to buy him things... I ain't a SUGARDADDY! F**k him... It's good riddance that he's gone...

3) Then, my best pal seems to be on cloud nine with his ol' crush... and i was afraid of losing him... Due to the fact that he was my closest fren left....(You know how guys find a gf and forget their buddies) I ADMIT I AM jealous too. But perhaps, I was always against the idea of getting attached at a young age. Thus, I had indented that idea on him, which I, in fact have no control for that, and shld just mind my own business...
I'm against puppy love. It maybe, is happiness for a short while. and there are people who treasure it v.deeply. But to me, i care about forever love. Not for a short while... If so, what's the difference between a 'one night stand' den?
I really spend so much time trying to change this best pal. I dun mind losing out. But I just dun wish a girl to come in now and spoil him, bringing him back to his ex-state again.
But that is beyond my control now. I ain't the kind of bastard who would approach her and stop her from seeing him with low tricks. All I can only do is to wish him happiness...

I am feeling v.depressed right now.
I dun need love though... But I have no friends...
I think that's the problem...
I don't seem to have lasting friends...

My best frens in primary school is unreachable... they've flown away on their own journeys... (XK,DK)
My best fren in secondary school was a misunderstanding... and we're not that close anymore.(JJ)
My best fren in poly was a brother to me... but he doesn't think likewise...(ZL)
My best fren in my poly class is such a baby... naive (KH)
My best frens in my ex working place are all drifting away...(CX,ZS,JW,WI,CW)
My buddy in BMT dislikes me... he thinks i'm too soft... for a man.(Ah X.)
My buddy in my current unit was close to me for a while... but he drifted away too...(DES)

My own brother (Richard) is usually quiet, and seldom shares stuff with me.
It makes me stressed and hard to trouble him with my own problems.

Honestly, now, when I looked into my cellphone... browse thru my contacts...
I find no one i can really talk to... heart to heart.

Why is it always me give people care & attention... and never do i get it back...?!?!

Times... I just walk alone by the streets of Orchard... wandering what is Life?

'What is the reason of my existance?'

Who needs church? Who needs God?
I have already doubted his existance...
Perhaps the bible is another man-made legend similar to the 'Lord of the Rings'.
Created for the sake of 'hope', for the sake of 'ethics'... else this world will really be in a mess.

But when you think... 'When all hope is gone... what is the meaning of life?'

Perhaps, this is all a dream...
Just like Sora (Kingdom Hearts) said,
"I've been having these weird thoughts lately, like is any of this for real, or not?"

I just dun want to think anymore right now...

If one day, I'm gone...
And u see this.

All i can say is...
"Thank you... You bothered... Take good care of my love ones if you really care..."

Will You Love Jesus More

Will You Love Jesus More
As performed by Phillips, Craig and Dean
Written by John Mandeville and Shawn Craig
Submitted by J Sellers (jamesandbrooke@hotmail.com)
CAPO ON FIRST FRET

E E/G#
I feel quite sure if I did my best
A B/D#
I could maybe impress you
E E/G#
With tender words and a harmony
A Bsus B
A clever rhyme or two

Db/F F#m
But if all I've done in the time we've shared
B/D# B C#m
Is turn your eyes on me
Db/F F#m
Then I've failed at what I've been called to do
Bsus B
There's someone else I want you to see

CHORUS
E/G# A
Will you love Jesus more
B/D# E/G# C#m
When we go our different ways
F#m B
When this moment is a memory
E F# E/G#
Will you remember His face
E E/G# A
Will you look back and realize
B/D# E/G# C#m/B
You sensed His love more than you did before
F#m E/G#
I'd pray for nothing less
A B E
Than for you to love Jesus more

E E/G#
I'd like to keep these memories
A B/D#
In frames of gold and silver
E E/G#
And reminisce a year from now
A B
About the smiles we've shared

Db/F F#m
But above all else I hope you will come
B/D# B C#m
To know the Father's love
Db/F F#m
When you see the Lord face to face
B
You'll hear Him say "well done"

REPEAT CHORUS TWICE

F# E/G#
I'd pray for nothing less
A B E
Than for you to love Jesus more

©1994 Ariose Music\Lehsem Music, LLC
dba Lehsem Songs
CCLI# 1459549

Love can start with a hurtless lie...

I'd just watched the movie 'Hitch'... Great movie...
Nice story line... Has the same 'moral of the story' like "Hana & Alice"
Check out the website... The tips on how to hitch your dream girl might really come true... The best of it, JUST GO WATCH THE MOVIE!!!

My life sux....

Sigh...
I got OOC out of my driving course...
Reason: Degeneration of Spine Joints (2 of my spine joints are worn out)

Thus I'm also OOC out of my scout course...
My scout mates are going to their ISPC(Infantry Scout Proficiency Course, I think) course next week @ Pasir Lebar Camp. I bet they must be thinking I'm such a champion in 'chao keng'... Sigh...

Sigh...

Life sux... But life goes on...
Still, thank God for his creations "bah"...

*Have faith in everyday... ^_^